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User blog:Joeaikman/Rap Battle - Daenerys Targaryen Vs The Last Dragonborn
Hello and welcome one and all to another of my rap battles. This is Daenerys Targaryen, the blonde haired Queen from Game of Thrones going up against the Nordic (usually) Dragonborn, protagonist of Skyrim, because dragons. I would like to thank Alanomaly and Mortal for proofreading, and also apologise to TK for writing this at the same time as my tourney battle. Sorry, Amy. I hope you all enjoy it. Dragonborn You Lost your sanity and your dragons so your best friend's abandoned And I can filter this phantom without need of a companion I'm stood in solitude, but I'm maxed out in perks for harsh bars You can't Reach thisl! You're understone whilst I'm ruling in Markarth I'll use my dragon tongue then break you in half with Wuuthrad And prove that I'm the best lover that you've had That's saying a lot, slut, you take the Blessing of Mara too far Whilst I'm knocking ladies off their feet with a FUS RO DAH I can throw my voice at ya with my Thu'um powered flow Leave you just another Draugr in the tombs down below You had six seasons in Essos, and the first was the best of those Stop waiting in Meereen, you should have fast travelled to Westeros You need to talk to a steward, cos you've got unfurnished rhymes Every time you find a problem you just burn it alive Whether it's the Tarlys or the Harpys, this Barbie doesn't learn her lesson And we all saw you moaning on the end of your nephew's weapon Daenerys Targaryen It's cute you're duelling me, but try saving Whiterun first And after all those flames you threw I'm still left unburnt This Dragonborn's Dawn-guard is down and my Hearthfire is roaring I tried touring your story but I found the main questlines boring This shouty dunce can't have thought through stepping into Slaver's Bay You're just like Robb Stark; betrayed by a Frey Recite my titles again, before Daario cuts through your sternum By the time I'm through you won't be questioning if I earned them I tamed horselords, beat warlords, for more hordes at my call Bend the knee before this poor Nord gets crucified on my wall I'm Mother! I'm Mhysa! Kindness pours from my heart You couldn't tend my flames because I grow bored of this bard So return to your roots! A weak warrior wandering the world This mad hack can't Wabbajack against a ruling girl Sheathe your sword, psycho, and call your dragon to retreat Because your flows frost-bite, and this has been your defeat Dragonborn I'm mad? Ha! That's the Potema calling the kettle black I was Dragon-born to slay insane tyrants; ask Miraak I was always told to avoid sluts sitting on their Thrones But once we've Ironed out some issues I'll leave you a Feast for Crows Your flows so-so, it's hopeless! I'll jot it down in Jiub's Opus My high level in archery means my shots don't miss You've had more backstabs than I've recieved trophies Just a late life obsession for a couple of wrinkled fogies Daenerys Targaryen You can't mask your flows from me, because frankly they're vile You must struggle with your staff! You need to adopt for a child You mock me for my backstabs? Best talk to Astrid about that, chad She left you for dead like a Skeever in a rat trap This Queen's landing blows against her foe out in the snow Leave your blood on the ice with my River Trident flows There's a rift in your verses; Ser Jorah could beat you in two hits So you better bend the knee before you take an arrow to it Dragonborn I'm colder than an Other, you were whored out by your brother Who was burnt out by Aquaman before you saw your lover smothered Your father went mad, you killed your mother and I bet you Thought your family life was complex; and then you banged your nephew Your advisors were deceitful, and you were rejected by your people Which flipped this mad bitch's coin and suddenly she's evil A malevolent Maleficent intent on creating seven new hells And your destruction spell was no match for the bells It's easy to end your enemies when they've already surrendered Do you think Harkon dropped his weapons before I left him dismembered? Alduin was still roaring when I saw that dragon rended I'm a world-eater beater; you'd rather see it ended Daenerys Targaryen I must have used an animal shout, because this pussy's been tamed You can't reave on my flows; I'm the Breaker of Thanes You're an inane loudmouth starring in a played out game You give me a headache, like an aneurysm in my brain Why don't you tone down the shouting when you step to a queen I've got unsullied flows; meaner than the streets of Meereen After you've died, do you even know where you go anymore You've sold yourself to so many Daedra it's like your Oblivion's whore You should take a Razor to your wrists because I'm getting nasty I'm like Lydia in a doorway, bitch you ain't getting past me This has been a breeze, home and dry and rocking new property You carry so much baggage with you that you can't flow properly Dragonborn Where are your dragons? One's off serving that snow cone scrote Another took a bolt from nowhere straight through the throat And the last one was there when you died but didn't try to save shit Because you didn't break the wheel, bitch, you became it Daenerys Targaryen At least my dragons played a part in my actual character arc You're nothing! This harwhinger's bite is worse than his bark Your verses are long and boring, just like a Skyrim playthrough You should get your affairs in order, because Sovngarde awaits you Who Won? Daenerys Targaryen The Last Dragonborn Category:Blog posts